First let's start by placing my hand on a bible swearing this story is the truth and nothing but. What's that?  Oh you're right.  I don't have a bible.  I'll go with a quartz countertop. Wait.  I hate this countertop.  It shows every finger print.  Don't get conned...

Right around the time I hit forty, most of me was in pretty good shape.  Decent muscle mass. Consistency on the ceramic throne.  Hair still making an appearance.  Eye sight and hearing like a bat.  But, a little flabulous around the waist line.  Nothing major.  Just a...

I really did.  We all did.  The text chains were buzz'n.  We just had an earthquake, and no we certainly had no idea what to do other than panic.  They just don't happen here.  It is known that Manhattan sits on a fault line, but everyone passes that info around as...