It’s pretty easy to manage. You go online the night before and see who’s out and it’s your choice to book the gig or not. It pays $175 per day and it gets me out of the house. Retirement isn’t exactly the whirlwind of social indulgence I planned on. The requirements were fairly easy.  The usual plus a TB test.

When asked if I’d be comfortable substituting in an English class, I answered:

Me: I’d have to refresh myself on conjugating a verb.

Her: They don’t teach that anymore.

Me: Do they learn how to construct a sentence?

Her: Not really. It’s a whole different world than ours.

The new curriculum seems to be no curriculum. So I asked what a substitute teacher does.

Her: Well, sometimes the teacher will leave a lesson plan. If not, play a couple of movies or just give them study time.

I wanted to say are you fugg’n kidding me? As a taxpayer in this community I pay over eighteen grand per year in taxes with 65% of it dedicated to education and all you do is press play?

I guess most software programs autocorrect grammatical errors and there’s a calculator on your cell. So why don’t kids just enter the workforce at age six? It’s not like they’ll screw anything up.

So here’s my new campaign. Get those youngsters outta study hall and into the workplace pronto. Lower the Social Security age to like forty so people can do nothing while they still have the ability to do something. What’s the fun in reading a book when ya got cataracts? Knitting with arthritis? Long road trips with irritable bowel syndrome?

Make America Work Again.  Turn those useless schools into affordable housing with trendy coffee shops. All anyone needs is a bedroom large enough for their bassinet and a latte to jump start the day.  

MAWA.  Affordable housing and a shrinking work force?  Problem solved.