When I grocery shop I make a list and stick to it. There’s nothing to ponder regarding pork chops is there? I occasionally check the sugar content on other stuff but it’s in everything so there’s no need to endlessly kvetch about it. The only things I cautiously eye are fruits and vegetables. They don’t carry an expiration date so skin tones count. Nobody’s buying a bunch of semi-brown bananas.
Now place me in the middle of a mall and stand back. My time limit is ten minutes before I flip my lid. There’s shoppers that stop to debate which store to visit whilst blocking my path. There’s the food court visitors who slow down to eat their nosh. Screaming infants in strollers. Fragrance spritzers. They have got to score high amongst the most intrusive of all sales people. Hint: You don’t spritz then ask permission to spritz. That’s speculative spritzing.
To make matters worse, I oppose cologne and perfume. Makes me sneeze. My deodorant’s even scentless. If you have to cover up your body odor after a shower, check what you’re eating first before covering up with offensive smells. Or better yet, spend a few more minutes in the shower and really dig into those troubled parts.
Let’s dive into the deep end. Clothes shopping. Here’s some of the talking points. Style. Length. Width. Color. Maintenance. I have one talking point: price. But most others enter a pondering mode. It’s a companion piece when one lacks goals.
Do you think I should try it on?
Oh why not. What do you have to lose?
My answer to that is time (and patience).
I didn’t like it.
What was wrong with it?
I dunno. It’s just not me.
Was it you when it was on a hanger? How far off from that hanger is your frame? If you find yourself composing more than two questions about a piece of clothing, just move on.
There’s the aimless clothes shopper. They enter the store with zero expectations and zero goals to achieve. One minute they’re trying on sandals and the next they’re recalculating their cup size. Of course they leave the store empty handed.
And lastly there’s the people that return stuff. They save their receipts and better judgment for later on down the road. Reason for returning? They already weighed several qualities prior to even buying it. So which one did they miss? If they say they just don’t like it then was the period of scrutinization for naught? Their taste or self image changed in a week? Or maybe it’s just another victim of the agenda-less Saturday. Are they intentionally buying wrong things just so they have something to do the following weekend?
Actually there is another shopping experience worse than clothes shopping. Those people who need to sample all fifty flavors of ice cream before leaving empty handed. There apparently isn’t an ice cream flavor yet invented that pleases their palette. The line of people behind them doesn’t matter as they have no idea how close to death they are.