… and other household oddities.  I found myself getting up close and personal with a rug this morning.  It started with a little piece of lint and evolved into a fistful of shedded carpet.  The harder I rubbed the more the shedding occurred.  Endless.  

Ya know there’s tons of other endless household calamities.  Like how is it possible that you dust a table on Tuesday and ya white glove it just two days later and your hand is grey?  Where did this come from.  The windows aren’t open.  I’m not blowing dust out of my mouth or nose. The dog’s just been groomed.  So where’s it coming from and why is it an endless routine?  And how does furniture polish stay in business?  All it does is make wood smell better then leaves behind a layer of polish sludge, which I believe is attracting the next dosage of dust.  And all those kitchen sink cleansers.  Yup they pick up sink gunk but you’re wiping with a sponge until it’s loaded with sink gunk and then what does one do?  You rinse the gunky sponge in the sink and the gunk goes right back to its home.  Ain’t that a kick in the Ajax!

Obviously I don’t have a housekeeper like everyone else I know does.  Nope.  I scrub my toilets. I Windex my windows and mirrors and stainless steel appliances, just to produce smudge marks that require you repeat the task over and over until you wanna just throw a brick at the smudge master.  Isn’t cleaning your house a thankless and useless routine?  Why even vacuum?  I have three vacuums. One per floor and a spare for those lighter vacuum tasks.  But the vacuum has a bag that collects the dirt and then when you change the bag all the excess dirt spills out and you have to vacuum it up.  It’s a vicious cycle this housecleaning thing.  No wonder my mother assigned several useless and endless cleaning tasks to me.  She knew they weren’t once a week routines.  Oh she knew alright.  She probably muttered sucker under her breath when she saw me head to the living room armed with an old tee shirt and can of Pledge.

And now let’s step outside for a sec.  Aren’t we always removing things that just laugh at us upon their return?  Like leaves, weeds, snow, rain, pollen and errant sources of garbage. Maybe we should just live in tents so the wind does the dusting while we’re closer to the backyard since we spend ten hours per week in it.  Why even bother replacing your roof, repaving your driveway (get cobblestones) or painting your house?  It’s temporary.  

Repeating all this crap inside and outside the house is sucking up all our leisure time and leisure time only produces more things to clean up, like that dirty glass you drank punch out of or that dent your ass left in the couch that now requires plumping.  I’m a plumper fanatic.  Unzip the cover.  Let the filling breath and then zip it and save sitting on it for special occasions, like when you’re inside watching a beautiful snowstorm … until you have to suit up like an astronaut to shovel the crap.  

Let’s make a dirty house and yard the new standard so we take in a movie or a nap.  Life’s too short for many things, but cleaning is the number one disposable requirement in my life.  I could go on but I have to clean the shower before I get in it to clean myself.