Maybe they were friendly back in the day of Pan AM orTWA, but they’ve gone bipolar since those days when flying was actually a dress up affair. The stewardess of that time (they weren’t flight attendants yet) wore elbow length leather gloves and tailored navy blue suits with a hat. They’d say welcome aboard and meant it. And the food! My goodness. Served on china. Prime Rib, asparagus, those little red potatoes.
My most recent flight was yesterday. I got a bag of peanuts and a cup of ice with three drops of water. The stay seated sign was on the entire flight. If you tried to challenged it, you got verbally chastised by not just the nearest flight attendant but then by an official announcement from the pilot.
Now they do hand out one packet of anti-bacterial toilettes, but then you get to your seat and see why. Clearly they’re not meant for you. They’re meant to compensate for the inadequacy of the clean-up crew. Before it’s even remotely safe to sit down, you are required to wipe down the entire seat and pretty much anyone who may have touched it within the last three weeks.
Then it’s time for the belligerent carry on caucus. Everything is too large and must be checked once you pay the $40 fee. You have passengers seated in row 29 completely blocking traffic flow to go forward to find open space near the single digit seats. So then your take off time suffers. The pilot gets on the microphone and starts losing his shit. He’ll miss the on-time take off gold star. Flight attendants say:
Sir, I’m just doing my job. Don’t get belligerent with me. It’s not my fault you chose to bring that on.
But it’s just a knapsack.
Who owns this high level Italian leather jacket? I’m gonna have to shove it in the back of this bin.
Then some more usually suspicious announcements emote from the cockpit.
Guys, looks like we’re gonna experience some severe turbulence, so please remain seated for the entire flight. Food and beverage service is suspended. (That’s when you suddenly have to pee like Mr. Ed.)
When they do offer service, all the aisle seat people (of which I am prone toward) are guaranteed a whack in the neck or worse, the elbow. And such snarky servers.
They’ll tell you that you’re going to land early, but then a slight change ensues leaving you circling the airport countless times. Or (I love this one) you’ll be legitimately early but must remain seated while the crew prepares the gate and hooks up the exit ramp. Seems they weren’t ready and/or weren’t told to speed it up. So by that time you’re fifteen minutes late, yet the pilot still gets the early arrival credit.
Good for him. You’ve been in lockdown and he’s getting a gold ribbon.
If you’re daring enough to check your bag, the scenario at baggage claim is always a kiss and cry area.
And as you exit the plane, the same people that performed Chinese water torture are perched in smiles:
Thanks for flying the friendly skies. Hope to see you again real soon.
(Maybe you will after a couple of months of electro shock therapy to erase the past four hours.)