I swear my mood swings are completely motivated by the seasons. I’m best in the fall, worst in the summer. And then there’s this transitional stretch between the two which makes me absolutely miserable. I’ve got the sweaters ready to go and then – crap – by noon I gotta change back into shorts and a tee shirt. No No No. I wanna be immersed in the treasure chest of Autumn.
Then that damn Indian Summer. You get teased with a week of fall and then all of a sudden you’re back in a Speedo. Not me, mind you. I don’t own one. But others just dig that look. And of course those flip flops just gotta come a flip’n and flop’n back out the closet.
Around this time last year, I thought about driving up to Vermont. Surely they’d be well into the swing of autumnal magic. The air would be crisp. The temperatures hovering between sixty five and seventy two. I started packing and loaded the car when I became slightly aware that I’d never even been to Vermont. I mean I thought heading north was a good idea. I told the navigation lady to find Montpelier as I knew it was the capital. That was a third grade thing, memorizing all the state capitals.
I started driving when it hit me that the worst city in most states is the one that’s the capital. There’s plenty of evidence to support this. I wonder why? Maybe it’s cuz the crappier the city is the less the state governments want to be in session. They’ll agree a lot quicker if they see their car getting hot wired. I dunno. Just a hunch.
Hartford, Connecticut
Albany, New York
Augusta, Maine
Trenton, New Jersey
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
I’ve never set foot in one of these cities. Never. Never. Never.
And that’s just New England. So I knew I had to change the destination from Montpelier to something else. Then the strangest thing happened while heading north on The Garden State Parkway. It started to rain and with the rain came foggy windows and leaves started falling. So I turned around and went home. I put on a cardigan and a pair of jeans, cranked the A/C to sixty and called it a season.
I mean, I was gonna drive all the way to Montpelier just to wear a sweater?
So I’m miserable. Just call me Misery. I’m kinda feel’n her vibe right about now.
If you see me in Frozen Foods wearing a Parka, do yourself a favor and keep walking.