I do a bit of flying around the country this time of year. Why? You don’t wanna know. Nothing that interesting. I travel alone and always request an aisle seat as do many over sixty gentlemen. The old prostate just ain’t what it used to be. As an aisle person, I’m used to getting up to let either the middle or window seat holders in prior to takeoff.
The pisser is when they need to use the toilet mid-flight. That gets me testy. Ya didn’t know sooner?
But the thing that really gets my goat is hearing this; excuse me but that’s my seat.
No it’s not and if we’re gonna need a jury to settle this, let me take this opportunity to first take a leak.
Once I flash my boarding pass as evidence their tone changes to; well would you mind switching seats so I can sit next to my husband?
Well it goes without saying that yes indeed I definitely do mind. That’s why I went a step further in the booking process than you obviously did by picking my seat. I don’t have to give into your negligence. And is it really a life or death deal that you must sit next to your spouse during a one hour flight? Hasn’t thirty years of marriage solidified things enough? Geez, seize the opportunity for some downtime while you can. You must be sick of each other by now. If something urgent comes up mid-flight, text ’em.
Imagine if this need to travel together is not deterred. How’s it gonna play out in other modes of transportation. Go up to someone on the A train and ask if they’ll relinquish their seat and see how that turns out.
I’d like to park my car closer to the mall. Would you mind moving yours? I’d really appreciate it.
Wow, what a pickle. Let me think about that (heartbeat) I’D MIND! But for fifteen bucks you ride me piggy back.
The older I get, I’ve become sort of a one man vigilante for proper public transportation etiquette. Seems I must have simultaneously developed Tourette’s Syndrome. I think something and it just slides right outta my yapper.
Things like:
Exit the bus to the back
Let ’em off first
(my favorite for foreigners) Ya can’t just stand there. Make a hole or move it.
They didn’t understand the outbursts but it guarantees my satisfaction, and isn’t that what it’s all about? Putting yourself first is fun.
So if you ever hear me declaring THAT’S MY SEAT, just get out of it.
Don’t challenge me.
Avoid the scene.
Oh, there will be one.