Hoarders

One of my favorite things to do is asking people in a service industry what their most bizarre experience was.  Today’s special guest was replacing a part on my dishwasher and seemed very personable and up for the interrogation.  So I asked him.  He hesitated a moment which showed he put some thought into this before saying:

Hoarders.  A hoarder’s house is like a stroll in a backed-up toilet bowl.  They keep foods stored in the refrigerator long past expiration dates.  The second you open that door, you’re accosted by the smell of rot.  You can’t find space for your toolbox or frankly for yourself.  All space is occupied.  

I asked him if he ever suggested they buy a replacement appliance as the damage and stench from years of neglect is likely the cause of their issue.  

They won’t.  Their appliances are extra storage space not up for negotiation.  

He said he’s seen rodents, bugs, mold, open cans and dirty dishes.  He emphasized they make no effort to clean things up knowing a visitor’s coming and will need some space.  He stressed the importance of speed as you wanted to fix whatever then get the hell outta there once finished.  It seems hoarders tend to be chatty.  You don’t want to get caught up with that while a rat is chewing on your shoelace.  

Another repairman he trained went on his first job and got caught in an hour long evangelical pitch.  I’m fascinated by the psyche of the hoarder as I am the exact opposite. Nothing is worth holding onto.  A backup supply of a dozen toothpaste tubes isn’t necessary. Sweaters you haven’t worn in years … you won’t find any of those in my closet.  When I move, it’s a garage sale from hell.  People walk out with a lamp worth $1,000 that they got for $60.

We’ll try it out and if we don’t like it we’ll just toss it.  It’s disposable decor.

My theory is if you need something just buy it. It’s not smart to hold onto things in the event you may need it someday.  Like three extra soup ladles understudying the roll of the top ladle just waiting for it to crack.  

So hoarders, with the holiday season upon us the potential for full throttle hoarding is scarily nearby.  Don’t do it.  Don’t save gift wrapping and bows for next year.  Don’t say you like your gift when you don’t.  If you keep reinforcing the gift giver’s bad choices you’re one slip away from plunging into Hoarderville.  

So today’s inquiry produced a few good stories.  Now if I can get a hand on a nurse or a traffic cop, I feel confident there’s some good stuff out there.  

Duty calls.