Heat = Hate as in I hate the heat. I used to think that since the average body temperature is somewhere between 95 and 97 that one wouldn’t be too uncomfortable provided the temperature outside didn’t go much higher than that. Well yup, that assumption was clearly wrong. Anything above 72 substantiates TOO HOT for me. And now the East Coast which has pretty much become home to global warming normalcy is prepping to host a scorcher. We got rid of the snow years ago. That went to California. No tornadoes. That’s the Mid-West. Hurricanes? Florida. Four seasons exist in the Northeast, yet they’re slowly losing the battle.
Fall and Spring are splinters of what they used to be. The sun didn’t set last night until almost 9:00, and I feel impish about mixing a cocktail in daylight. So I closed all the blinds and mixed one up around 7:30. But all those images of summer that entice people (never me) do they still have the same allure? Sitting on a beach collecting sand in your vitals as it sticks to the tanning oil – well that’s disgusting. Stepping into the ocean (either) is a complete risk what with its new residents. Wearing a floppy straw hat is appropriate when attending Wimbledon but how does it fit into the Jersey Shore scene? You bring a cooler of ice cold liquids that sustain a shelf life of two hours. Especially the alcoholic ones. They turn into TheraFlu after that. And that’s just the beach scene.
Let’s go downstairs to New York City’s infamous subway platforms, where people stand clutching blind faith for a train to arrive while melting and ruining their whole couture concept for the day, So many days, I’d opt for crisp linen pants and a colorful checked button down. Never a fan of open toed shoes and I don’t feel the need to justify that. We don’t walked around exposing our armpits (most of us) so what’s the deal with giving air time to those dogs? Feet are gross no matter what you do to them. Cover ’em up. So dressing appropriately and age appropriate in the heat is virtually impossible. I may join the Muslims or a church choir just for some legit options. I’m Armenian so being a Muslim or a christian church goer is a 50-50 split.
Let’s talk eating outside. Bugs love the heat and really love food. How many insects can you swat off your food until you get concerned about contamination? Add in cold pasta stuff and they’ve laid eggs before you even get the serving spoon in.
So to all you summer lovers, I hope you’re getting your fill. Sweating over a barbecue of raw meat. Excusing yourself to wipe the greasy crap accumulating in your bald spot. Watching your spring gardening efforts fall victim to rare Japanese beetles, yard rodents and your own neglect cuz it’s just too frigg’n hot to tend to it.
So there’s no conclusion to this because there’s no conclusion to this season that hasn’t officially even started yet. But misery loves company so this ain’t gonna be the first rant about our obsession with heat.