The weather as of late has been ungodly hot. I’m sure that doesn’t come as news to anyone. It’s hot everywhere.  But I’ve made an observation that even though it’s necessary, I hate being in air conditioning.  Now I’m not about to dismantle mine, but it has drawbacks.  Like feeling congested all the time.  Now in Florida (a state I’ve loudly established as one exit before death) air conditioning has a definitive smell due to mold and mildew.  That can’t be good to breathe, yet nothing really seems to bother those Sunshine State enthusiasts.  Even a cure for skin cancer wouldn’t be greeted with enthusiasm,

But there’s another thing I’ve observed.  People are mega-cranky in heat.  Of course they are.  If you’re cold you can put on a sweater.  If you’re baking and soaked in sweat, there’s only so much clothing one can legally remove.  But imagine if the laws of common decency were to change?

Naked grocery shopping.  Now the thought of lining up at the deli counter amongst a bunch of nude people seems daunting.  Of course you’re gonna look around before you order your low sodium thinly sliced ham.  And let’s move over to the frozen foods aisle.  Nobody’s about to first open the glass door and then stand in front of the ice cream making a selection.  Your bits’ll be brittle by the time you grab your rainbow sherbet.  The check out line.  Where ya gonna keep your wallet and keys.  Forget about a cell.  So clearly this hot weather pattern which is likely our future and only weather pattern available is gonna result in a ton of cranky people.  

Face it.  The nude shopping rules ain’t gonna happen, although in theory it would have a huge impact on theft.  I mean how are ya gonna get that head of lettuce (there used to be a drag queen in the East Village named Hedda Lettuce) out of the store without paying?  You can’t do it.  You need coverage.  

But is there a cure for the levels of miserable people when it’s hot?  I guess being drunk all day would help but that’s got ramifications.  There’s really no such thing as a happy pill to pop.  Well not that I’ve popped as of yet.  So we sweat and we overheat and we lose all patience and tolerance for people, stupid people, stupid rules and stupidity in general.  Global warming is gonna make this planet mad as hell.

Lycra is not a viable clothing option for many.  Now I know there’s people that think it is, but that’s just another thing to get mad at.  Did they consider us when they put on that bikini bottom and tube top?  So we’re getting cranky.  There is no normal.  Outside is unbearable.  Inside with blaring air conditioning is preferred yet not without consequence.  

Wish I had a solution.  Oh actually I do.  To all the experts of the past that denied global warming, I’m raising a finger and it ain’t my thumb or pinky finger.  Look at the layers of clothing they wore back then.  

Shonda Rhimes should try a nude version of Bridgerton and see how it goes over.  I’m guessing not well.