Well that’s my news. I got it. Having avoided this (to the best of my knowledge) for five years, I have no idea how I contracted this pain in the butt condition. I’ve been so isolated for months now. I am hardly ever engaged in conversation, especially with a spitter … and social distancing? No problemo. Except …
I changed one thing in my routine and dull as hell life. I resumed going to the gym, and once motivated, I go a lot. I get off on the idea of how my body can morph from working out. It also does wonders for my mood and overall mental health. So WHY GOD WHY did you deem it necessary to strike me down when I was trying to lift myself up? That ain’t fair.
(Footnote: I tend to recognize a God when bad crap happens and never when I’m riding high on the hog.)
Maybe he took me down to teach me a lesson. But what lesson? Doing something good for yourself shouldn’t cary such heinous ramifications. How heinous you ask? Ain’t for the squeamish.
Going to CVS and buying every OTC gadget to address the most immediate issues, then getting a kiosk that doesn’t calculate a total, so I checked out for $0.00 and dashed (well dragged) myself home. Hey I didn’t ask for this virus. Let the universe pay is what I reasoned.
The diarrhea. (If squeamish, proceed on without this part.) Imagine you have a funnel in your mouth and the Atlantic Ocean is slowly being poured down your throat. In a couple of hours, the ocean wants to leave and its departure doesn’t not go unnoticed. Just pure water in an ever changing array of colors. On day two the color was a lovely mint green. That was interesting. Must have been due to that Caesar Salad craze. Getting up at all hours to the evening to do the dirty. Thank god I have a bathroom just off my bedroom. Saved tons on rug cleaning. Since I was now dreaming of doing it in my sleep only to wake up realizing – no I’m doing it in real time – I had to buy a box of pantie liners. First off, how was I supposed to know you attached it to your underpants. Well I figured it out eventually through the series of three dimensional evacuations. One good thing: I found my black cashmere coat from Barneys. Hey if you’re feeling like crap at least don’t look like it.
Turns out the new strain of the virus focuses on this act and not as much on the upper respiratory system (preferred). A range of chills that had me ripping all clothes off then throwing on a wool shirt and winter coat the next.
Now the symptoms started Friday afternoon so seeing a MD to get that medication wasn’t possible (I go today at 12:30). Zero energy, Dropped a tea cup of Theraflu. Still cannot bring myself to eating anything and sleeping in a disheveled that I can’t change. Not worth it. Haven’t showered. Can’t imagine the eau du moi I’m sharing and of course I am sporting a black mask.
That’s the part that gets my goat. When your masked everyone flashes a dirty look, when in fact I’m doing it for their benefit. Idiots. Come over here and let’s make out!
Hey RFK, Jr! Come up to place.
But I do have to say that I am given full sidewalk access cuz the people separate like the Red Sea. I like that part. Who’s in charge now sucker? I am. I’m not sure how I’m in charge, but I have power over others, sort of like sporting a 22 magnum inside your mouth.