Once you hit Medicare, they want a lot of blood outta you. Blood for this. Blood for that. Then they send the results with everything inside a range that means nothing to me. I had bloodwork done Wednesday. Just before I left the house, I crammed about six packets of Sweet Tarts left over from Halloween. Yes I do know those things are lethal with the sugar content. Everyone knows that, including the neighborhood kids that didn’t grab any of them.
So I check in with the receptionist which is unnecessary as we’re on a first name basis.
“And how’s that new little grandson coming along” I ask.
“He’s gonna be a handful in a few years. Have a seat. We’ll call you when the lab is ready.”
I got the results the very next day and guess what. According to the ranges I’m not even borderline diabetic but like the King of Diabetes thanks to those Sweet Tarts. I’m really not diabetic and I’m pretty on top of things in the sugar department. It was what they call a blip. I don’t drink soda, but if they ever find out that Crystal Lite causes cancer I’ve got some decisions to make. I drink a pitcher of it per day.
But the funniest thing about this trip to the lab. It was an unusual 75 degrees outside so when I hit the gym (which is FREE with my new Silver Sneakers Card) I changed into a tee shirt. Well I forgot to take the bandage off my arm and it was red. I got two fist pumps from (I assume) MAGAs and had no idea why. Of course I fist pumped back just cuz. And for the unforeseeable future, it may not be that bad an idea to stockpile red stretchy gauze.
It’ll be covered by my Medicare OTC debit card. Man do I love this country.
I’m getting a new pair of glasses next week just cuz they’re free! I’m thinking red frames.