I’m suddenly fascinated by the prospect of sporting these classically designed shoes and taking some stock in the good old fashioned Birken tradition. Now I am gay yet not a lesbian, but their website boasts a healthy selection of men’s 
options.
Let’s face it. Older heels are gross, so there’s no way I’m exposing my heavily padded backdrops to the world. Closed back only! They ain’t cracking like a dried out tarmac just yet, but it’s a matter of time.
Color? Gotta go with something in a beige tone for that classic validity. The whole back strap verses the buckle decision? They both seem too tedious for me to navigate, given my heavy duty daily busy as hell spontaneously driven days. Like take just last week. I desperately craved ice cream, so lo and behold who’s throwing on sneakers at 10:00 PM to stroll to the local ice cream parlor for a traditional two scoop pistachio in a waffle cone delight? Dwell not, twuz that crazy senior citizen blogger and (allegedly) lactose intolerant moi. That’s who.
Presently, my favorite footwear are those Salamon brand hiking sneakers. I’ve been getting one new pair per year for at least twenty years. I wouldn’t ever think of switching sneaker options, certainly not like a crazy switch to those more stylish Keds. I mean what kind of support do those things provide, right? You know I’m right. How many ankles have to be rolled before people catch on. And their rainbow selection of colors ain’t fooling THIS senior. Footwear does not a style conscious elderly man make is what I say.
Back to that pistachio crazed night. I clocked in at just under a minute in mounting my hooves into my current pair of Salomon’s. That’s fine and all at the beginning of a journey but once that first scoop is consumed and the whole lactose thing kicks in, that’s time dangerously spent. I need something I can slide into and speed walk to the nearest receptacle if you smell what I’m cooking. (bad choice of words but hey … there’s no one minute foot mounting available. I need that slide-n-screw footwear option.
So that’s where the whole Birkenstock fascination is birthed. It says stylish along with just a pinch of style conscious senior! That’s literally a home run as running home with time restraints is the deal of the day.
I noticed a 30-ish strikingly handsome guy in medical school scrubs and Birkenstocks with socks as well. I like the option of colorful socks. One more way to guarantee the stylish footwear thing. So I asked him if they were comfortable:
Oh god yes, and I’m on my feet all day long.
If this 30-ish strikingly handsome guy in medical school scrubs and Birkenstocks with socks guy swears by them, that’s good enough for me.
Count me in Birkenstock. Meet your next sponsor cuz when I commit to a brand name, I’m loyal as hell. Well loyal as hell as long as the choice coincides nicely with my life choices like warm buttered rolls, wedding cake, ice cream cones, mocha latte, skim milk, 2% milk, milk shakes, milk duds, milk chocolate, plain old fashioned milk …
, not just for lesbians anymore