Dogs bark to warn their owners of danger. Usually their instincts are completely unfounded. They bark at the mail delivery person, the UPS person and any neighbor walking in front of the house. They (I have two) have yet to warn us of an actual threat. Like if somebody wearing a black knitted face mask came aboard, they’d probably lead them to what valuable items we have in stock. Flatware, a laptop, the really expensive shoes I was married in and have never worn since and finally the best steak in the freezer.
That’s about all that’s available here. The most valuable things we actually have are the two dogs. They are purebred Wheatens that cost about 2K a piece. Please take them. Now they’re spayed so you got no reproductive parts to employ. They have to be brushed constantly or else they’ll tangle into a ball of yarn. Oh and I guess you’re already aware that they bark at anything. But they’d never act on preventing a threat. They just want to share their love and lack of better judgment.
So please burglars why not do a trial run with one or, better yet, both of them. We’ll leave the front door unlocked and a bag of their food on the counter. You can change their names. They don’t respond to the ones we gave them anyway. What’s in it for you, you ask? Probably not much other than the boost to your moral compass by using your talents for a worthy cause. So what’s the cause?
Extending a helpful hand. We’ve recently noticed that we are barking at each other (we the people) and I think they’re the cause of it. Now we haven’t yet picked up some of their other habits like begging for food or scratching behind our ears, but I feel like new habits are brewing. So please burglars, save our grip on humanity and take these ill intended role models away.
Just like Motel Six, we’ll leave the light on and two one hundred dollar bills tacked to their collars.