I have to go to one in a couple of weeks where I’ll see hundreds of people I haven’t seen as far back as forty years ago. It’s exciting but requires planning ahead, especially since most people’s opening line after not seeing someone is either so what have you been up to or what’s new? So I’ve prepared some canned responses categorized by situation as in 1) the truth or 2) the semi-truth or 3) a flat out lie.
Truth
I’m enjoying retirement.
I seem to be healthy.
As long as I stay on the meds I’m fine.
The semi-truth
Never been better.
Still as obnoxious as ever.
Aside from the flatulence I’m fine.
Flat-out lie (and conversation killer)
As well as I could be since the diagnosis.
If this hemorrhoid would shrink I’d be …
I’m sorry but who the hell are you?
It all depends on the person asking and how far back we go or how interesting I remember them being. That rules out saying I’m fine and you? I suck at chit chat and much like George Washington I cannot tell a lie. But in my defense it’s not my fault. During dinnertime as a child, when asked how my day was nothing less than the truth would suffice. My father once told the paperboy that he sucked at his job which was true except that I WAS THE PAPERBOY.
Of course there’s the old standby … oh don’t even ask.