No no no, take a left Margarita, shouts Julianne.
Julianne is a good half a block behind her nanny and baby. She’s on her cell and just had her nails done. Her holding cell paw is a jazz hand straight outta Fosse. The nails could stop traffic. Oh so red. And she’s wearing linen capri pants, some sort of off the shoulder flowery silk tart blouse and strappy sandals. Her long blonde and very straight hair is pulled back with a jeweled beret. Other than her laissez-faire concern about her child, she seemingly has it all together.
She spots her friend Elena coming her way and stammers into the cell gotta go. Call ya later.
Elena darling. (arms open). The double cheek kiss is executed. No they’re certainly not European.
Margarita, Margarita go left left left, waving her left arm like an Aircraft Marshall.
Margarita looks back at Julianne, feeling embarrassed she doesn’t know how much of a loon she looks like.
Elena says she has the same issues with her nanny. Julianne says she’s thinking of giving hers a pink slip.
Oh don’t even bother, they’re all the same and by the time you get them broken in, they either get pregnant or your kid’s off to college.
They laugh. Julianne spots a cafe across the street.
Hey wanna stop for a quick martini?
Oh twist my arm baby, of course, says Elena
The two grab a table outside as it’s a glorious summer day. Then I notice something bizarre. Yep, I’m just a stones through behind them. As soon as they get settled they both pull out extra large sunglasses.
Why didn’t they wear them while walking? The simultaneous timing made it seem like it’s a bullet point in the mandatory training manual for Upper East Side housewives who haven’t quite fit motherhood into their routine just yet. But they sure had no trouble tossing back a Stoli with a twist.
The two chat back and forth about really important stuff like the upcoming charity ball for neglected children.
Well I was thinking of wearing that red satin crepe Carrera top with a pair of Givenchy stitch sandals in laminated leather with crystals.
Oh sounds yummy, says Elena as she signals the waiter for two more drinks.
They swap a few notes on a couple having marital problems.
Well I just hope she signed a healthy prenup cuz she’s dumber than a stump, says Julianne
The two cackle as their drinks arrive. Julianne searches her tote and tells Elena she feels like she’s forgotten something. She dismisses it and gets back to the Hendersons, currently husband and wife.
Well it’s a no brainer. He’s away on business at least three nights a week and she’s got an infant at home. Believe me, I know how difficult that is.
Oh you sure would. Thankfully my kids are grown up. Cynthia’s going to Vassar, says Elena
Another Vassar girl. No better place to cultivate one’s social skills, but I’ll miss her.
Well of course you will, says Juliannne. You get used to having them around and then they’re gone.
Just then Julianne’s eyes widened like pin balls. FUCK. I LOST MY DAUGHTER. I GOTTA GO.
Well finish your drink first. She’ll pop up.
Right. She’s three months old. Not like she’s gonna get too far, says Julianne as she sips her martini.
Let’s clear up one loose end regarding the sunglasses regime.
Unnecessary when walking as you’re in and out of shade.
Necessary when stationary and saturated with the glare of the sun or your $12,000 plastic cheeks will melt off.