When it comes to matters of health, I’m well aware that I do it. Procrastinate. Oh it’ll pass, it’ll disappear, nothing to be concerned about. Then in a few weeks I’ve got a full blown fiasco on my hands. And sadly I hold my dogs to the same buy now / pay later method. In this case; kennel cough.
We went away a month ago for about ten days and boarded our two dogs at Camp Bow Wow. Picked ’em up and got them home. All quiet on the western lung, until … a hacking that sounded like trees falling in the forest. And there were ears to hear it despite that old adage if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a sound.
But I did the usual stalling; a teaspoon of honey, lemon juice in her water bowl, popping Benadryl (which put her into a deep sleep but did nothing to dry her up). The usual. And after a month, the walls were rattling. Of course you reach that point when you’ve gotta come clean and acknowledge that your loved one is a hybrid wheezing machine.
And it’s a Saturday so you can’t get her into a vet. So you’re forced to bring her to an emergency place … they cost a lot!
As soon as Zoey and I enter the clinic, she hacks away and somebody screams QUARANTINE – QUARANTINE and we are swiftly yanked into an isolation holding room. We looked like Meryl Streep and Cher in Silkwood.
People are scurrying everywhere to get away from us. People don masks and hand one to me. Why me? I’m not the one hacking. Mask her. Zoey gives me a glance of WTF. We wait and wait and wait. The term leper seems appropriate.
After a while, it’s a world of face masks, rubber gloves and looks that trigger dog owner shame. Hey I didn’t infect her. I’m just the one who made things worse by playing Dog God.
When we check out, I’m asked if I’ve ever been there before.
“No. Never,” I say with a tinge of impudence.
“Well, fill this out and you can start a discount program.”
Now I await a swipe card like the one I have for Stop ‘n Shop. A discount program for dog owners who allegedly care less about their baby’s health. And it’ll come in handy sooner than I’d like it to:
Patient A was Zoey yet now there’s Patient B (Stella) who is hacking for help.
She’s in coughing hell. I’m in denial.