When people say it’s a life or death situation, what does that really mean? First let’s acknowledge that we’re all gonna be dead longer than we’re alive. Our life is simply an ambiguous period of time bookended by death. You’re dead. You’re alive. Then you’re dead.
So why all the prep work for death? The insurance, working all your life just so you can enjoy three years before you’re a stiff. Will you be laid out? Now that’s an antiquated ceremony, right? Saying things like “oh she looks great”. SHE’S DEAD. How great can she look? Or you could buy an urn of your own choice and you could spend your whole death as a decorative piece. Thanksgiving Day and you need a centerpiece? Hey his calendar’s clear. Throw a bulb on Mom for Christmas. It’ll be festive.
Both my parents are dead and cremated and still in the box. Not even the regulated size box for a military burial, the cardboard box they got Fed Exed in. Hey, if ya wanna really creep somebody out, try this one. My Dad went first, so I was pretty much just doing things off a whim. So when the delivery guy came a’knock’n with a box in his hands, I squealed “oh Daddy’s home” and if you wanna see somebody turn sheet white, that’s a go-to move.
But the life or death situation. Isn’t that a stretch? Like say your cell goes missing.
I’ve got to find it. It’s got all of my stuff on it. This is a life or death situation.
Is it? Is it like on the same level as the Ukrainian War?
Crap, I chipped a nail. Damn my car won’t start. Life or death?
Vladimir Putin’s throwing a surprise party. Now that’s life or death.
And forget the casket or the urn, you’re looking at a ditch.
So have a great day and remember, life is just a death sandwich.