I flew this past weekend and really felt the almost desperate kindness of airline employees trying to make up for the industry’s crappy reputation. Smiles from ear to ear. Free sanitizing wipes and (this is what really threw me) on time departures. What’s up with that?
Current airfares are astronomical for reasons unknown. Maybe they’re covering up the pinch with a wink? You get the whole can of your beverage without even asking. That’s gotta froth some of the CEO’s minds. And what used to be rude and intrusive missives from flight attendants like scowling at oversized carry ons and nasty reprimands for forgetting to buckle your seat belt now get a slight tap on the wrist. A couple of years ago you risked leaving the plane bruised. Mentally and bodily.
The flight attendants use foreign words like “thank you” and “welcome aboard” which made me turn around to see if they were talking to me or some imaginary VIP.
Now I’m not sure how long they can keep this up. Maybe it was a New Year’s resolution and it’ll fizzle out in March. The pilot on my return flight even expressed sincere sorrow for the turbulence we’d likely endure on the take off (which turned out to be less noticeable than flatulence) then immediately buttered us up by saying we’d be arriving ten minutes early.
AND WE DID ARRIVE TEN MINUTES EARLY. But don’t fret. The airport grounds people, cab drivers, policemen and TSA agents keep you grounded in reality. They’re nastier than ever. Like this scene.
- Yo, this line is only for TSA people.
- But I am a TSA person.
- Drop the attitude. Sneakers off. Liquids out.
- But I have a little green checkmark. Look, right here.
- Security, we got a hotshot here who thinks the rules don’t pertain to him. Show him the back of the line please.
- (while being prodded along) But this green check – the little check mark …
- Sir, you look like an asshole.
I really did have the green check mark but they never even looked. Now I wasn’t exactly dressed for success but forcing me into nudity was not the answer. I paid the money to free myself from that public humiliation. Shoes on. Jacket on. Pockets full of stuff. Now, I’m back to losing my balance while taking my sneakers off and removing my jacket to reveal a ripped up thermal shirt.
So something’s up with the airline’s reputation on the line and the grounds people being more belligerent than ever. Someone please give those people a wage hike. An airport police officer actually hunted me down in the pick up area for Uber to berate me:
- You in the Twilight Zone. Yo, you. I’m tawk’n to you.
- Me? I don’t know …
- Ya walked right across the road without even looking for ongoing traffic.
- But there wasn’t any.
- Well how would you know Mister Twilight Zone. Ya didn’t look. We make the rules.
So something’s up with employee moral. The front line is getting happy pills and the grounds people must not be getting fed.
Hey airport peeps, same page please. We’re all victims of the system.