We have two dogs; Zoey and Stella. Same breed (Wheaton Terriers) same gender (female) same breeder. Zoey is seven and Stella is five. Zoey is perfect. Stella (appropriately named) does whatever she wants and whenever she wants. She consistently defies all rules and awareness of time.
In the morning, Zoey goes outside and within thirty seconds pees and poops out everything’s she’s got.
Stella goes out the door, then sits on the side porch and stares at the door. She refuses to take matters into her own paws. I haven’t a clue why she’s staring at the door instead of emptying herself. I mean who isn’t waking up and proceeding to the toilet immediately? I then have to lead her to a grassy area, like I’m the soup sampler for an emperor. She’ll do ten circles to the left then ten circles to the right then slowly widen her second position and pees.
She stares at me expecting nothing short of a standing ovation to show my appreciation.
Here’s the hard part. She absolutely will not do number two unless she is put on a leash and walked around the block twice. I have overcome the embarrassment of walking in public in pajama bottoms and a tee shirt with sneakers. I’ve actually done laundry to rotate my pajama and tee shirt collection so the neighbors know I’m not just sleeping in the same thing every day. Back to Stella. She’s embarrassed to poop in public even though she is the one who insists on the walking instead of squeezing it out in the backyard. (I retrieve every single poop from either dog and always have a few sandwich bags on me. It’s the city living training. A poop pile will cost you $200 so I pack ’em. Even that’s not easy.
Most stores only stock the sandwich bags with the seal. The folder-over style is, well not in vogue. So when I find a supply of sandwich bags I buy ’em like a whore on crack. But that’s my problem, not Stella’s.
While I’m shopping sandwich bags, she’s coming up with new parameters for her number two. I’ve tried three circles around the block. I’ve asked total strangers to pet her in the hopes that her excitement will cause her to pinch out a loaf. She’s distracted by everything: squirrels, cars, daffodils, cracks in the cement. On occasion she’ll give up and just do it sans the circling pre-show. When she does, I jump up and down like a girl with Fresca on her panty liner. But it’s a rarity. So where is she doing #2?
I HAVE NO IDEA. Either she’s kicking it out the door or more backed up than traffic at the Midtown Tunnel. So is there resolution? No. She constantly changes the routine. But I’ve found a full-proof plan. I travel with a dog biscuit and taunt her endlessly until she can’t take it anymore. It works this week. But next week, she’ll concoct some other hesitation. I think she’s working up to cold hard cash for poop, which could also be cold and hard if she’s held it a couple of days.
Now I know everyone thinks their dog is special and I do too. Zoey’s the winner. Stella ain’t interested in competing. She’s exhibition only.
Zoey the Good One (winner)
Stella the Idiot (loser) 