I don’t really care about the one thing associated with aging that most obsess about; their appearance. It doesn’t bother me. I never see what I look like except when maybe brushing my teeth. My driver’s license has the same picture it had in 1995, so I look damn good.
But what I don’t like is thinking old. I don’t like that I’m losing patience or that I’m losing the urge to do adventurous things. Midtown Manhattan is literally twenty three minutes away, yet I never go in any more … to go to a museum or see a show or just to go in and walk around. I remember way back when my parents would load up the Hillman Minx (yes that was a car) and we’d just go for a ride.
No destination, just a ride. And that was considered to be a form of entertainment. “Hey, let’s go for a ride.”
My god, I’d never do that now. Who would. I know times have changed and you don’t have to leave your couch to be entertained. Do people still gather on Tuesday night and play cards? I can’t imagine. So this is the aging part that is a real downer. When you start to fail to hold the interest in doing things. Something like don’t go explore the world, let it come to you via satellite. Looking back at the past few trips I’ve taken (Tuscany, Paris, Tokyo, Scotland) I wasn’t even taken back by the impact of cultural possibility or cuisine indicative to a region. Maybe because we can access all that without even boarding a plane. It’s cynical thinking, but it’s happening and I truly hate it.
I didn’t eat one day because I couldn’t think of anything worth making and dreaded having to cook; the stirring, the baking, the shredding. I drank a pitcher of Crystal Light, and even that act of preparation was a struggle. Get ice, open package, add water, stir. Pour in glass.
Now I do go to the gym semi-regularly and challenge my body. It’s boring but the burn you feel the next day somehow reminds me that I am in fact alive. How did this all happen? Was it gradual or did somebody flick a light switch and here I am. Lacking ambition.
Wow this is pretty depressing, eh? I know I’ll snap out of it. The summer does encourage laziness and activities I despise like sweating, wearing shorts and exposing my feet. The lazy days of summer. I think I wanna try “hectic” again and see if I can actually pull it off.