Well what if I don’t want to? What if I feel and think younger than my age? Forget about the looks department. Regarding that, I satisfy the criteria. But why do some people consider themselves experts in weighing your personality against your age. What exactly does sixty five look like? Yet there’s some unspoken rules:
By 65, you should place an order for your custom made wheelchair. I want a pale blue frame with a beige tufted leather seat
By 70, you should have your wheelchair license to drive it. Since I still can’t parallel park a car, I gotta get on this one ASAP.
By 75 you should taking short day trips, just to get acclimated to the scenario. I could do a few Stop n Shop stints and work on not killing people.
By 80, you’re wheelchair bound. You think you’re getting out of it? Think again. Settle in. Have some newspapers and books handy in a basket.
I mean it’s not a terrible life, I guess. But I still like to have fun. I guess seven year olds can have fun and I cannot. Damn that puts me in a real lather. We all have unique experiences being raised. For instance, I was practically raised by seven year olds, so them telling me to act my age wasn’t all that effective. I despise people who put on airs of a more worldly and mature person. Come on. Can they point to Kuwait on a map? (I know an ex-prez that can’t.)
I feel like if I was to act according to what most people believe sixty five to be, I’d have to get all new underwear. Mine are colorful and fun. I’d have to switch to white and then eventually rubberized. My hairline IS acting its age. No contradictions there. And then many of the same “act your age” are also into the “young as you feel” campaign. Well which is it. I feel fifty. You try doing my workout at the gym and get back to me. Most sixty five year olds do not have a 30″ waist. Most people can’t clock in five miles on an elliptical and still breathe. I’m not saying I’m invincible but I am saying “back off” Mr. and Mrs. Age Appropriate. If I wanna drop water balloons from my bedroom window, I’m gonna do it. Hey if peeing your pants is expected at that age, then why are temper tantrums not tolerated?
There’s one thing I do share with a seven year old: the joy of napping.
Oh I just love it. Arts and crafts or finger painting?
I could construct a big old middle finger out of elbow macaroni or I could just paint one.
So here’s to acting your age,
and not your shoe size.