Absolute Immunity

All in favor?

Imagine if you accidentally knock over Grandma to get a better parking spot at the grocery store?  She’s sort of hobbling yet not completely dead. Hey who cares, you’ve got absolute immunity.

Next case.  Shoplifting.  Load up your cart and wheel it out.  Pay?  Oh no I don’t do that.

Driving home from the store you spot Sidewalk Sally peddling some crank.  Sally forks it over just when the cops arrive.

Excuse me officer but I’ve got absolute immunity, but you might wanna check on Sally here. She not only peddles the Tina but also engages in tawdry sexual activity.  Drug slut.

So you get home and see your front door’s open and both of your dogs are gone.  You contact the local precinct.

Oh hello Mr. Namian.  We were expecting your call but this is out of our hands.  You see the burglar has absolute immunity.

But what about my dogs?

Oh it seems they don’t have it, so we dropped ’em off at the pound to be euthanized.

You’re in bed and having a helluva time falling asleep cuz your motorcycle neighbors are having a party.  Everyone’s revving their engines and shoot’n squirrels.  So you call the cops.

Oh hello Mr. Namian.  We were expecting your call.  Don’t you have anything better to do than tattle tale?  Have a nice night.